Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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