just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
