Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
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Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
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You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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