That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
