my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
