I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
