A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
