i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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