I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
