u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
