the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
