I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
