honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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