Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
