There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
