somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
