my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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