Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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