He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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