My friends, they love my intelligence
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
