We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
