Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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