i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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