are you still at the devil's house?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.