Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.