my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf