she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.