in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.