Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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