I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.