question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
nutella sex= disaster
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"