no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
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I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.