it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I came so hard my ears popped.
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