i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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