yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't deserve a penis
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
