just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My balls are so social today.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
