I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
