So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
