I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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