so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
