All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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