my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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