Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
