We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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