When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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