I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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