then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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