turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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