I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize