Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
