READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
