I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
