when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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