I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
