I hate your face
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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