I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
