I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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