Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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