If that was your dad, he is hot
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
