i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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