1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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