Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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