His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
