I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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