btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
