I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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