how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize