Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
