Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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