yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
