nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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