you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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