I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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