My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
