i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
