420 ftw
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
