I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
