I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
