I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
