This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm too high and old for this...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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