dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
