That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
