Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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