this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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