for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
