I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
