the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
pop tarts are not kleenex
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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